So here they are, the guys you girls and gays might go crazy for. (In alphabetical order.)
Possible love child: Ryan Gosling
A childhood celebrity crush of mine, my fave Baldwin brotha has those hypnotic eyes that could take thy panties off in an instant (figuratively and maybe literally). Watching him in The Hunt for Red October is like undressing a marine officer with your eyes.
Possible love child: Jude Law
Ah! The bitchy Berger. Probably the most effeminate-looking guy on this list, this fairy’s beauty was especially radiant during the pinnacle of his career (late ’60s-mid’70s). Appearing in movies like The Damned, Ludwig, and Dorian Gray, a young (take note: young) Berger displayed both natural elegance and subtle rebellion in his performances — a balance that filmmaker Luchino Visconti adored so much that he made him his boy toy.
The ladies love him. Fairies emulate him. Well, what’s not to love about this guy’s beauty? Yeah. I, too, don’t know the answer. I’m too lazy to write as of the moment, so just pleasure yourself by looking at his piercing crystal blue eyes, highlighted by his dark brows.
Possible love children: Billy Zane and Jesse Bradford
Yet another gay icon, Brando had that brawny and cocky presence that could either annoy you or entice you. Argh. I’m still too lazy to blabber, so just help yourself and indulge in his beauty.
Possible love child: Tom Cruise
Marlon’s boy friend (Clift and Brando were both from Omaha), the tragic Monty was one of the most handsome lover boys during the ’50s. He appeared with girl friend Liz Taylor in films like A Place in the Sun and Raintree County. Before the car accident, he possessed a beauty like that of a young (and “innocent”) Tom Cruise: deep-set eyes, dark brows, and a perfect profile.
A quintessential leading man, Gary had that let-me-please-you-milady aura in him. A quiet storm during a sunny day. (I have no idea what the f*ck I just said, so just figure out what “a quiet storm during a sunny day” means.) From the silent era to the Audrey Hepburn era (yes, there is such an era), he never failed to be sexy without even trying; if he could return from the dead, you boys might want to ask him how he did it.
Possible love child: John Lloyd Cruz (kinda)
Think: A prettier Dave Grohl. Forget Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky. Just check out Eduardo in the film’s original version (Abre los ojos). Eduardo’s intimacy-is-the-best-policy eyes and boyish face are swoon-worthy. Yes, I think they are. *Faints.*
Possible love child: Robert Downey, Jr.
(The young) Al Pacino is the embodiment of the (not so) tall, dark, and handsome mindset. With penetrating, big brown eyes, Al has that enigmatic aura in him; it is something that can make ladies (and ladies at heart) “come” home and watch films like The Godfather and The Godfather II.
But your hairline is very distracting.
Calm thy ovaries, ladies.
His beauty can suck your sanity out of you. Just look at those f*cking blue eyes. Rosie O’Donnell has a man crush on him, describing him as “a young Rob Lowe.” But even Rob Lowe might get a hard-on upon seeing this dude. This guy’s probably more than beautiful. Period.
Finally, a manly man to kick the a** of those girly boys above. This former dancer first came to my attention when he appeared as the bad guy in The Joy Luck Club — bad in a naughty way, that is. (The watermelon scene is a must-see for all you horny creatures out there.) His beauty went to the maximum when he played the seductive angel Danyael in The Prophecy II, a direct-to-video crapfest.